Thursday, March 31

The Edge of the Razor

I ended up drawing a diagram of a complex sine wave representing my being the other day. I wish I could reproduce it for you here, and maybe some day I'll augment this post by adding it in, but in the meantime, perhaps I can just describe it.

So I have this complex sine wave of highs, lows, and in-betweens. And when drawing the diagram, I stopped the sine wave by inserting a " . . . . . . " between one amplitude and the next a few centimeters later. I then drew an arrow from this pause to a space down below where I was able to draw a big cloud of smoke, some radiant light beams, a little confusion, and the word "poof!" That's me blinking out of existence. It happens from time to time, similar to my post regarding waking up from a dream after waking up from a dream. Then, as would be expected, the person I was drawing this diagram for asked me how I blinked out of existence and what happens when I do that.

Well, for those of you who know about the circles, that's the jest of it. But to describe it a different way, a way that I think is pretty accurate and just happened to come out last night as if I'd described it this way several times, I continue to exist for reality but reality ceases to exist for me. Again, as would be expected, this brought the question of "how does reality cease to exist for you?" To this I'd like to use an analogy; Imagine you're traveling through space with no regard for time. Now, regardless of whether the universe is flat, saddle shaped, or otherwise, one can imagine there is an edge to it all. This is the furthest you can travel and still not be outside the bounds containing the last particle that exists in this universe. Imagine some all-seeing map maker has already charted this region and there's a dotted line where the universe stops. Now, stick your head past that dotted line. What happens? Since you and the universe are the same thing (ah, such a true statement), the all-seeing map maker must erase his dotted line and redraw it to include your head. Yet, at least figuratively, you are outside of the universe until the all-seeing map maker redraws that line. That's what blinking out of existence is like for me, only instead of the physical space that the universe takes up (and the slightly more meaningful space your head takes up), it all occurs within the bounds (and outside the dotted line marking those bounds) of Reality as a whole.

Anyways, after the conversation last night I realized that it was the best description I've ever been able to give, so I thought I'd share it all with you. Finally, as a disclaimer, I don't want any of you to worry. Yes, some would say it's fucked up, but I still hold by the maxim "Live in the world but be not of it." So I still try to keep at least a fingernails grasp on Reality even when the rest of my body is hanging free.

Monday, March 28

The Grinding

I only saw a couple stars in the sand this past week, and I had to look pretty deep to find them. They were perfect, none-the-less, but not near the galaxies from two years ago. But the week as a whole was exactly what I needed. A few too many catch-phrases, but some of the best visuals I've ever had; the full moon with a full fog surrounding, the sun setting while standing in it's path, and of course Nick and I doing handstands on the beach (this one we've actually got a picture of).

I won't go into details that would bore you, but it was the best food, best drinks, and best company I could have hoped for. And now it's back to the old grind. I was hoping the queued letters from grad schools would be delivered to my mailbox today, but not the case. Maybe they'll trickle in the next couple days and I can have some idea of where and what I'll be doing.

I've got a couple meetings tonight, so I'm going to run. Hopefully I'll be back in the blogging mood soon, as I feel like I've got a lot of things on my mind (though I am still, and will probably always be, increadibly thirsty).


I'm thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.
And I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corrosponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay.

Friday, March 18

Stars in the Sand

It's the perfect time of year to see stars in the sand. And, as such, I will be unavailable for the next week. Give me a call if you'd like or leave me a note for when I get back.

Till then...Namaste.


Einstein’s down on the beach staring into the sand
Cause everything he believes in is shattered
What you fear in the night in the day comes to call anyway
We all get burned.

Monday, March 14

Soleil Levant



I finally found the name of my favorite painting. It's a Monet, titled "Soleil Levant" or "Sunrise." A good friend of mine, Karie, made comment one day as I have it as a poster in my room. She had the poster of Monet's "Venice," and compared the two pieces to the difference between the two of us. Where "Venice" is uplifting and bright with a clearity of intent, "Soleil Levant" is a fog of thought. "Venice" has an overall beauty and the light permeats the entirety of the city, while in "Soleil Levant" the focus is the small red sun and it's mirrored, blurred image on the waves (similar to the Buddhist thought about moving without moving, like the moon's reflection on waves). Finally, and I think most telling, is the image "Venice" brings of a lively party that's social and encompasses everyone in the city, while "Soleil Levant" is just the sole boat in the middle of the gray. Anyways, that was Karie's assessment of my personality within the painting with a little ad lib on my part. Take it for what you will, but I feel it's a pretty accurate assessment of who I am.

Just in Time

Back to the old grind just in time for Spring Break. I have been entirely too unproductive since Tiff and Traci were in town. I finally made up a "to do" list, and it's longer than I'd hoped. Between a test in prob/stat, a test in cognative neuroscience, a hypothesis for evolutionary psych, and the 100+ pages for buddhism, this week is going to be sour. Luckily, it's just in time to make spring break so much more sweet.

I'm sorry I don't have much more to write about. There are several things I'd like to share, some bad, mostly good, one truely amazing, but all-in-all not possible for me to write on this blog. You all know I'm not a private person as a rule, but I'd just as well not have to deal with prying eyes.

Once my neurons kick into gear (reverse is my favorite!) I'll post something worth reading. Till that time, Namaste.

Saturday, March 12

An Image of My Religion


True...it may look like a deep thought is about to follow, but in all actuality I just posted this because I'm going as "Yang" to a date party tonight.
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Thursday, March 10

Dream Consciousness

Starting this past weekend the line between my wakeful self and non-conscious self have become blurred...again. For those of you who know certain things from my past, this is the point that I start sensing vibratory circles. Not saying that's exactly happening right now, but my dyslexia is getting the better of reality at the moment. I think it's caused by the fact that I keep waking up from a dream after I've already woken up from a dream.

But on the bright side, this dream is beautiful.

Thursday, March 3

Death of an Individual

A sad day indeed. I didn't want to do it. You should have seen the disgust on my face as I clicked "register." It was only to find a couple friends from highschool...Jimmy, Eric, Graham (though I never figured he'd be on it), a couple others. To quote Bond:
Jeff, I never knew you were such a conventional person as to use the facebook. I'm really surprised at your failure in this case to distinguish yourself from the rest of the student population. Usually, you do so with vigor, but I can see that this new development is a signal that you are now on a track that will lead you to a lifestyle of conspicuous consumption, a lack of real spirituality, and boat shoes. Welcome aboard.
But I won't apologize. I had my reasons for joining. I've got in touch with a few of those I was meaning to find. And now I'm connected to 2532 people through friends and have a total of 56 friends...and yes, I even belong to a group. Touché world; you win this round.

Wednesday, March 2

The Eyes as Windows


I picked up Mysticism and the New Physics last night before going to the fraternity meeting. I'd started reading it over winter break and have just fallen behind on my books. So I picked it up where I left off without a problem and right now I'm wondering how I could have put it down. I'm currently sitting in my cognative science lab, where the five other class members are busily finishing up their experiments, and I had time to read about five pages...and write this post. In that short time, I underlined about 12 different remarks. I'll add them in below. Just keep in mind that these are only from five pages and the book is a total of 165. Click on the title to go to amazon.com if this stuff interests you:

"'In the province of the connected minds, what the network believes to be true, either is true or becomes true within certain limits to be found experientially and experimentally.'" - John Lilly(95)

"'The problem,' LeShan asserts, 'is that they do occur...The evidence, and it is here - hard, scientific, and factual - for anyone who looks at it, is not refutable. We must do something about the paradox.'" (96)

"...LeShan postulates that a second reality exists, so to speak. However, this second reality is the reality outside the light cone. It is an 'elsewhere' region and lies beyond our space-time." (97)

"One of the sources of your bafflement [disillusion with the world] and discomfort is that your tonal [the reality we agree upon, a term derived from Don Juan] doesn't let go of your eyes. The day it does, your nagual [the mirrored reality, outside the light cone] will have won a great battle. " (99)

"In Buddhism, acquiring a Buddha nature is akin to finally becoming one with the nagual [seeing the dream-like nature of the reality we see...that the world of the tonal as false]." (100)

"As Pearce puts it, 'Man's mind mirrors a universe which mirrors man's mind." (100)

"In a sense, then, the universe is dreaming itself." (100)

.....and the best remark in those 5 pages....

"The eyes can be the windows to peer into boredom or to peek into that infinity." -Don Juan (101)