Thirst
For all the metaphors which are a bit cliche', I can't find a better term for how I feel than being thirsty. It signifies that burning feeling, that draw towards, the need for something you consider an essence for life, and that satisfaction once quenched. And don't get me wrong, I don't want many things. I'm a minimalist. I have no misguided notions that I'll ever be rich, I make due with what's available, and I feel best when living on 3 hours sleep and a meal of snow peas and brown rice.
But then there are the things I need...the thirst. And it's been building for over a week. I need challenge, adventures, a sharpening stone, and to kill a few demons.
Quite a few friends gathered over at S&T's place tonight and we got to talking about the philosophy program. SM made the comment that I'm one of the few individuals in the program with the least cognitive dissonance with philosophy. If asked, sure, I'm loving every minute of what I'm doing right now. After the first week, covering hardly more than the syllabi and introductions to the text, I already know this is going to be a semester of searching into the sub-disciplines that move me. But when I asked why some of the others have this disparity between themselves and the program, one theory given was that certain people came to the program expecting to find solutions to their own personal, existential angst. They had questions, the kind of deep questions that may hit you when you're driving at 3am without headlights in view or when you see something so real it can't exist. Presumably, these individuals' questions haven't been answered. But this is a huge part of why I'm continuing in philosophy. Sure, I'm in the program for professional reasons; to advance my scholarly knowledge, to test my metal and get good letters (academic and reference), and, ultimately, to get into a good PhD program. But half of my contentment comes from that personal search through the philosophical depths. As I said earlier tonight, as a consequence of being in this program, I've been killing my own demons weekly.
But this thirst, as it happens from time to time, began before the first day of class and, though some cool thoughts and ideas have already occurred this past week, it persists. It's like having something on the tip of your tongue, or that moment after a question is asked but before the answer is received, or even that feeling when you pass by someone and there's that moment that something important was about the happen...but nothing does. That's the shadow of a demon causing the thirst, and, this time, I've yet to see what's on the other side of things.
Post Scripts...
But then there are the things I need...the thirst. And it's been building for over a week. I need challenge, adventures, a sharpening stone, and to kill a few demons.
Quite a few friends gathered over at S&T's place tonight and we got to talking about the philosophy program. SM made the comment that I'm one of the few individuals in the program with the least cognitive dissonance with philosophy. If asked, sure, I'm loving every minute of what I'm doing right now. After the first week, covering hardly more than the syllabi and introductions to the text, I already know this is going to be a semester of searching into the sub-disciplines that move me. But when I asked why some of the others have this disparity between themselves and the program, one theory given was that certain people came to the program expecting to find solutions to their own personal, existential angst. They had questions, the kind of deep questions that may hit you when you're driving at 3am without headlights in view or when you see something so real it can't exist. Presumably, these individuals' questions haven't been answered. But this is a huge part of why I'm continuing in philosophy. Sure, I'm in the program for professional reasons; to advance my scholarly knowledge, to test my metal and get good letters (academic and reference), and, ultimately, to get into a good PhD program. But half of my contentment comes from that personal search through the philosophical depths. As I said earlier tonight, as a consequence of being in this program, I've been killing my own demons weekly.
But this thirst, as it happens from time to time, began before the first day of class and, though some cool thoughts and ideas have already occurred this past week, it persists. It's like having something on the tip of your tongue, or that moment after a question is asked but before the answer is received, or even that feeling when you pass by someone and there's that moment that something important was about the happen...but nothing does. That's the shadow of a demon causing the thirst, and, this time, I've yet to see what's on the other side of things.
Post Scripts...
posted by J.B.P. at 11:56 PM
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