Fear or Laziness?

or, Impeccably Imperfect

"Actually, the gap between, say, Plato or Nietzsche and the average human is greater than the gap between that [super-]chimpanzee and the average human. The realm of the real spirit -- the true artist, the saint, the philosopher -- is rarely achieved. Why so few?"

I've been wrestling with a comment SLC left me a few posts ago. In the most convivial manner, I have no doubt, SLC lovingly suggested I not be so hard on myself. In her words, I seem to forget that I'm not a deity. While I'll readily admit I'm increadibly demanding of myself, I view it more as an attempt to be impeccable rather than to be perfect.

The difference is subtle, but, at least for me, it is exceedingly important. To be impeccable, as I use the term, is to have no internal, self-derived faults. In the words of dictionary.com, it's to be flawless; irreproachable; not liable to sin; or even incapable of sin (sin here referring to its original usage meaning "missing the mark"). To be perfect, on the otherhand, is to have no faults, simpliciter. Both outside and inside factors go into that notion, both things one can control and those one cannot, at least how I'll be using it to differentiate between the two concepts.

Now, as always, I must preface any discussion of human potential with a clear and direct caveat that I do not consider myself to be on par with deities, Plato, Nietzsche, or any of the greats. However, I think there is another distinction to be drawn with individuals such as these, of which I do hold myself to be at least near par; there's a difference between the production of great works of art, truth, and life and that of the motivation or the internal constitution to always strive towards the production of such works.

The difference, then, lies within the causes, not the effects, of our rational will. If I am prevented by fate or luck or disaster, so be it. But if it such great works of truth are prevented from coming to fruition by some cause internal to my own design (even if that be in a deterministic understanding of my "free will", so long as that cause passes through my own reasoning), then I am responsible for not doing more and, hence, the lack of such beauty coming into the physical realm of reality.

I might be charged with holding myself to some supererogatory level of existence; but I'm not saying I can't go see a movie or relax with friends. My life is what is in question, here, not the philosophical products of my career, alone. When the common greats that come to mind -- Plato, Beethoven, Einstein, Goethe -- there is some definitive, well-known contribution to the world. But there are those we know personally who have reached even higher potentials, because they do so with a harmony amongst all aspects of their life. Where Mozart may have been a rake despite his art, the archetypal mother in the neighborhood full of wandering kids who treats each with respect and loving appreciation has contributed her due potential of truth and beauty to the world. All aspects of life, then -- be it intellectual, physical, interpersonal, or otherwise -- could and, in my opinion, should be examined with this aim at impeccability. "An unexamined life..." so they say.

So, SLC knows me well; in a sense, I was back the next day "pursuing immortality." Not in any sense aiming at perfection, but with a constant drive towards impeccability. Do I fail at this aim? Often. I fully embrace my "moments of weakness," but I feel that I accomplish so much more with such a greater depth of experience when this is my aim, not necessarily what I'm able to achieve. Instead of turning a blind eye to sleeping in late when I'm not actually tired or watching sitcoms that I don't even find that entertaining, I think I end up with a more interactive life lived and, if nothing else, better stories to tell on DW. It's more of a constant awareness of my actions and the persistent questioning of my motivation behind them; is this what I really want to be doing right now, or am I doing it merely as a default/easy way to pass the time I've got this go around?

Was that a little over the top? I hope not. Either way, I'd appriciate comments and reactions to that. In the meantime...

Namaste'.