The Edge of the Razor
I ended up drawing a diagram of a complex sine wave representing my being the other day. I wish I could reproduce it for you here, and maybe some day I'll augment this post by adding it in, but in the meantime, perhaps I can just describe it.
So I have this complex sine wave of highs, lows, and in-betweens. And when drawing the diagram, I stopped the sine wave by inserting a " . . . . . . " between one amplitude and the next a few centimeters later. I then drew an arrow from this pause to a space down below where I was able to draw a big cloud of smoke, some radiant light beams, a little confusion, and the word "poof!" That's me blinking out of existence. It happens from time to time, similar to my post regarding waking up from a dream after waking up from a dream. Then, as would be expected, the person I was drawing this diagram for asked me how I blinked out of existence and what happens when I do that.
Well, for those of you who know about the circles, that's the jest of it. But to describe it a different way, a way that I think is pretty accurate and just happened to come out last night as if I'd described it this way several times, I continue to exist for reality but reality ceases to exist for me. Again, as would be expected, this brought the question of "how does reality cease to exist for you?" To this I'd like to use an analogy; Imagine you're traveling through space with no regard for time. Now, regardless of whether the universe is flat, saddle shaped, or otherwise, one can imagine there is an edge to it all. This is the furthest you can travel and still not be outside the bounds containing the last particle that exists in this universe. Imagine some all-seeing map maker has already charted this region and there's a dotted line where the universe stops. Now, stick your head past that dotted line. What happens? Since you and the universe are the same thing (ah, such a true statement), the all-seeing map maker must erase his dotted line and redraw it to include your head. Yet, at least figuratively, you are outside of the universe until the all-seeing map maker redraws that line. That's what blinking out of existence is like for me, only instead of the physical space that the universe takes up (and the slightly more meaningful space your head takes up), it all occurs within the bounds (and outside the dotted line marking those bounds) of Reality as a whole.
Anyways, after the conversation last night I realized that it was the best description I've ever been able to give, so I thought I'd share it all with you. Finally, as a disclaimer, I don't want any of you to worry. Yes, some would say it's fucked up, but I still hold by the maxim "Live in the world but be not of it." So I still try to keep at least a fingernails grasp on Reality even when the rest of my body is hanging free.
So I have this complex sine wave of highs, lows, and in-betweens. And when drawing the diagram, I stopped the sine wave by inserting a " . . . . . . " between one amplitude and the next a few centimeters later. I then drew an arrow from this pause to a space down below where I was able to draw a big cloud of smoke, some radiant light beams, a little confusion, and the word "poof!" That's me blinking out of existence. It happens from time to time, similar to my post regarding waking up from a dream after waking up from a dream. Then, as would be expected, the person I was drawing this diagram for asked me how I blinked out of existence and what happens when I do that.
Well, for those of you who know about the circles, that's the jest of it. But to describe it a different way, a way that I think is pretty accurate and just happened to come out last night as if I'd described it this way several times, I continue to exist for reality but reality ceases to exist for me. Again, as would be expected, this brought the question of "how does reality cease to exist for you?" To this I'd like to use an analogy; Imagine you're traveling through space with no regard for time. Now, regardless of whether the universe is flat, saddle shaped, or otherwise, one can imagine there is an edge to it all. This is the furthest you can travel and still not be outside the bounds containing the last particle that exists in this universe. Imagine some all-seeing map maker has already charted this region and there's a dotted line where the universe stops. Now, stick your head past that dotted line. What happens? Since you and the universe are the same thing (ah, such a true statement), the all-seeing map maker must erase his dotted line and redraw it to include your head. Yet, at least figuratively, you are outside of the universe until the all-seeing map maker redraws that line. That's what blinking out of existence is like for me, only instead of the physical space that the universe takes up (and the slightly more meaningful space your head takes up), it all occurs within the bounds (and outside the dotted line marking those bounds) of Reality as a whole.
Anyways, after the conversation last night I realized that it was the best description I've ever been able to give, so I thought I'd share it all with you. Finally, as a disclaimer, I don't want any of you to worry. Yes, some would say it's fucked up, but I still hold by the maxim "Live in the world but be not of it." So I still try to keep at least a fingernails grasp on Reality even when the rest of my body is hanging free.
posted by J.B.P. at 4:30 PM
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