Confidently Arrogant

There's a thin line between confidence and arrogance. In fact, in my opinion, the line is so razor thin that it has cut the ability to be confident out of our society. You may just attribute what follows as me being arrogant, but know this; if so, aren't you agreeing with me?

It all started with a conversation an old friend of mine and I had over a couple drinks tonight. Both she and I are often times accused of being arrogant. While she affirmed the same, let me say here that I fully embrace my arrogance. I'm okay with it. I'd go as far to say I think it's a good thing. In example:

I'm incredibly brilliant. There. I've said it. I might not know about a lot of things -- politics, pop-culture, or where the G-spot is -- but that's not to say I couldn't know. To elaborate, consider what some people describe as the difference between intelligence and wisdom (note: as arrogant as I am, I am not necessarily describing myself as "wise"): Intelligence can be taught, facts can be learned, and degrees can be awarded while wisdom is the ability to do something with that intelligence, those facts, and...well...a degree isn't really worth shit anyways. But, for me, part of my brilliance lies with the understanding of where to find those facts and ideas and concepts. Then the major part comes in lifting them off the page and literally floating them around in the Ether while I play with them, break them apart, or recombine them to create new or better concepts, or at least find out how they're faulted.

So what's wrong with stating that? I know it's a talent of mine that isn't shared by everyone. With the exception of making a point in this post, I don't go around expounding upon my genius to everyone. But I don't hide it just to be considered humble, either. I'm simply confident in my cognitive capacities and utilize them when appropriate. But I'm also confident in the fact that I lack certain abilities. I know I'm tone deaf, I know I have two left feet, I know I am amazingly inept at people skills, I know I suck at expressing my emotions, and I know I have trouble finding the G-spot. I'm confident in these failures. Doesn't mean I won't eventually dance the two-step or perfectly perform the "come hither" motion two inches up the abdominal wall, but I'm confident that, at this point, I stumble with both.

So where's the arrogance come in? Not everyone is confident in both their abilities and lack of abilities.* While I'd imagine quite a large portion is confident in the former, it is the lack of confidence in the latter that results in "confidence" being impossible in our society. I'm arguing that what I consider confidence isn't often seen as confidence, but arrogance. When I'm in a situation in which I (confidently) lack a certain talent while another (confidently) excels in that talent, I see it as such. That's because my confidence in my lacking some particular talent keeps me from feeling intimidated or lessened by the display. But in a situation where one person is not confident in lacking a talent, I suspect they see another's confidence as threatening or gloating of their abilities; in essence, arrogance. While I agree there is such a thing as over-confidence, I don't think pure, measured confidence should be seen like this. By measured confidence I mean a level of trust in one's abilities that is rational given the importance of the situation. I am the first one to admit and, if necessary, rebuke myself when my brilliance (or any other ability I put trust in) goes awry. But, as I take full responsibility for when I'm wrong, I'm not convinced there's anything inappropriate with taking full responsibility when I'm right, as well. And, as such, I'm ok being "confident" in conversations with my good friends and "arrogant" in the majority of other conversations.

* Second-order confidence, or having confidence in what one is confident in, appears to be innate in first-order confidence. However, as it is not a main premise of this argument, I allow that it may be disputed.


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