Opening Car Doors
I have heard countless times from certain women claiming to be feminists that they hate it when a guy opens their door for them. This post is not directed towards them. This is directed towards individuals, male or female, who realize it's a matter of respect and not a matter of taking care of some helpless girl.What brings this up is that I've been watching the first season of Grey's Anatomy from Netflix, and in the 6th episode Shepard unlocks the passenger door and opens it for Grey (side note, this is in the pouring rain). Then Shepard runs around the back of the car to get to the driver's side. And here's the kicker, Grey reaches across and unlocks the driver's side door for Shepard.
I was pretty young when I first heard this; too young to drive, that's for sure. So I don't remember the quote or the source, though I do know there is one. But it went something to the effect that you should always take the long way around the back of the car. You'll know a lot by whether or not she unlocks your door for you. Basically, the act of unlocking your door is the reciprocation of opening her door for her. It's mutual respect. So don't get offended when a guy opens a door for you -- instead, just return the favor.
posted by J.B.P. at 10:46 PM
7 Comments:
I can see your point about opening the car door being an indication of "respect," and maybe even a vestige of the chivalry that has died away. However, as a female who appreciates these signs of respect, I never really saw the point of a guy opening a car door for me. It seems like a huge waste of time; and in addition, maybe I could see the point when no one had automatic door locks; but these days it just doesn't make sense for a man to hit the little "open" button and STILL physically open the door for me.
Ah, but doesn't that make it all the more point-iful? It's going that extra step when there's no point other than showing someone you care. Fortunately, and for a lack of fortune, I've never had to deal with auto-locks (though I really like the whole power-window thing). But even if a guy had the option to push a button, it's the gesture of turning the key that makes the difference. I see you're point that it's not exactly practical. But I see it as saying, "We could already be on our way to the movie right now, but I'd rather spend a few moments on nothing but you." I don't know, maybe I'm too idealistic (and the crowd gasps).
I guess it's the difference between looking at it from a practicality perspective vs. from a romantic perspective. I think women today get accustomed to non-romantic, un-gentlemanly men, but I suppose it's nice to see that it's not all gone (maybe it's just in Illinois?). In any event, I think your source that you can't remember might be the movie A Bronx Tale (GREAT movie), which had a specific scene relating just to the "car door opening" debate. :-)
"...I never really saw the point of a guy opening a car door for me."
It's about being a servant. It's about putting others ahead of yourself. It's about loving by leading. Plus, we want to.
Jeff, I actually use the "walk around the back and see if she unlocks my door" test to see if she is the kind of person for whom mutual respect and servanthood comes naturally.
hmmmm... as both the "feminist" as well as being raised in the south... i was shocked when i had doors almost slammed in my face when i went to school... there is just something so refined and generous about a gentleman who will open a door for you... its like them saying that they respect you enough to be your own person and be strong, but at the same time honoring you for being a lady... regardless of whether or not it there is much point to the task... although i will say, there are times when chivalry can take a rest for practicality... such as dropping me off and then parking the car in the boonies... although a nice gesture, (unless its raining of course;) i would just as soon walk to the door with you than wait outside by myself...
i miss yall :)
-SLC
I just realized that my new car doesn't even have a key thing on the passenger-side door. I tried to use it the other day when I didn't have my little remote and had to go back over to the driver's side and use the unlock button. Apparently GM isn't in on the game.
the first time i heard of "the test" was in a movie called "A Bronx Tale" -- it works.
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