A String of Moments

I had an interesting night tonight. Though it started off rather confusion, that's not the topic of this post.

The topic of it is how much I'm going to miss my friends. I needed to take a walk tonight, and that walk (drive) ended up at the fraternity house. This was the best gathering of brothers and friends I've seen since freshman year. Just enough people to gather and not crowd, everyone in good spirits, good music playing, couldn't ask for more.

As I was walking around, everywhere I looked was a 'moment.' It started off with driving Steph from her dorm to the house, taking the long way. The conversation was in flow. Everything I said came out exactly as I meant it...even occasionally making Steph laugh without meaning to. And in turn, everything she said made perfect sense. Steph's really good about not holding back her thoughts, regardless. It was definitely a needed conversation. Then I get to the house and walk up to the front steps where Leah, Kristal, and that gang were hanging around. It was good to see them, as it'd been about two months. They always add a little spice to events. A few were rather drunk, but that just added to the 'moment.' Though I wasn't drinking tonight, I did head upstairs with Steph to take a shot of tequila, and really good tequila at that. She was kind enough to use my toast: "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the seasons of mist; May each of us walk out as a ghost into the fog." [editor's note: it has been too long and I forget where credit is due for the first half of that toast, but the second was borrowed from a Counting Crows song]. The guys on the back balcony, mainly the NIBs, were a comforting reassurance. These guys are the future of Zeta Psi, and I couldn't ask for a better group. I've been saying for awhile that this is no longer my fraternity. I don't want to convey I don't call them brothers or care what happens, but I've done the work I meant to do, taken it in the direction I felt best for it, and now it's out of my hands, theirs to make out of it what they want out of it. But it was good to see so many of the freshmen there. It reassured me that, wherever they end up taking it, they'll do it for good reasons and make sure it gets there. Marty solidified this with a comment he made. He mentioned out he saw each of his pledge class brothers as almost a mirror of one of the seniors. I've mentioned before how much these guys remind me of my pledge class, and it gives me hope they'll take the same approach we did (again, regardless of the direction that approach points).

Now, up until this point I had simply been enjoying myself. But, with every night of 'moments,' there's a catalyst that makes you stop and realize just how much the night meant. This happened as I was coming back downstairs. Lewis was doing an impersonation of Shir dancing, and cracking himself up in the process. It was an unadulterated, unfiltered, not-caring-how-big-a-fool-I'm-making-of-myself sort of laugh. And it sank right into me. I just stopped dead in my tracks, realizing how much I care about all the people in my life right now (yes, all of them).

There's a corollary to this line of thinking, referring not to my friends but rather towards myself. That'll have to wait for another day, though, because when you experience a string of moments like the one I had tonight, you just let it sink it. You don't tamper with it. You don't try to hold on to it. But above all, you don't ignore it.