The Aesthetic Life

"Your life is too short and you've important things to do."
--Epictetus

Do you imagine one's life passes before their eyes when they die? Perhaps it's true, but I've always wondered; do the cancer patients and the car wreck victims both experience the entirety of their lives? Does one need a monumentally unexpected side-swipe at 4pm on some idle Tuesday to elicit the instant replay function, or does a doctors prognosis of two weeks start an A&E version of the 8mm playing across multiple nights? Because I've been dying since I was about 4 years old. I remember the conversation, actually, and I think there's something to be said for going through life simultaneously acting in and watching one's own play.

If you're reading DW, you'll know I gave up smoking three weeks ago. I don't mind saying it was an impressive feat, though obviously this isn't my own laurels I'm resting on. Maybe I just got lucky this time, but I've been 100% on the wagon without a single "tide me over" puff. Some of my long and fast friends might recall I gave up smoking the night I graduated from Tulane, along with MBB and JMD. The problem was, I only gave up carrying a pack on me. I still bummed out at the bars, and when I couldn't, I was fairly miserable. But something clicked in my head over winter break.

To be fair, part of it was the self-ascribed hypocrisy at giving up my flesh eating practices yet still paying 5 bucks every day or two for some dangerous air. But there was something else in there; a lack of patients for time spent not enjoying life. Of course, a good smoke after a long day at work, in the middle of (and every fraction thereof) a 20 hour paper writing session, and after a good hearty meal...those were enjoyable times. But by "enjoying life", I mean getting the most out of it. I was just tired of not doing everything in my power to get to the important stuff.

The point of this post is two fold. First, I'm getting back to the roots of what I had years ago, of only taking on important, rewarding and fulfilling tasks. Afterall, we all need projects to keep us sane, right? And the second point is to say this; you're dying.

Eh, you never really expected me to end upbeat, anyways...

Namaste'.

My Love of Shoveling Snow

For those of you who've heard me talk about shoveling snow, here's a more eloquent way of putting it. I came across this poem recently in one of the Collins books BRL gave me for Christmas. I've read it before, but it never quite resonated so much as just now. Anyways, enjoy;

------------------
Shoveling Snow with Buddha
by Billy Collins

In the usual iconography of the temple or the local Wok
you would never see him doing such a thing,
tossing the dry snow of the mountain
of his bare, round shoulder,
his hair tied in a knot,
a model of concentration.

Sitting is more his speed, if that is the word
for what he does, or does not do.

Even the season is wrong for him.
In all his manifestations, is it not warm and slightly humid?
Is this not implied by his serene expression,
that smile so wide it wraps itself around the waist of the universe?

But here we are, working out way down the driveway,
one shovelful at a time.
We toss the light powder into the clear air.
We feel the cold mist on our faces.
And with every heave we disappear
and become lost to each other
in these sudden clouds of our own making,
the fountain-bursts of snow.

This is so much better than a sermon in church,
I say out loud, but Buddha keeps on shoveling.
This is the true religion, the religion of snow,
and sunlight and winter geese barking in the sky,
I say, but he is too busy to hear me.

He has thrown himself into shoveling snow
as if it were the purpose of existence,
as if the sign of a perfect life were a clear driveway
you could back the car down easily
and drive off into the vanities of the world
with a broken heater fan and a song on the radio.

All morning long we work side by side,
me with my commentary
and he inside the generous pocket of his silence,
until the hour is nearly noon
and the snow is piled high all around us;
then, I hear him speak.

After this, he asks,
can we go inside and play cards?

Certainly, I reply, and I will heat some milk
and bring cups of hot chocolate to the table
while you shuffle the deck,
and our boots stand dripping by the door.

Aaah, says the Buddha, lifting his eyes
and leaning for a moment on his shovel
before he drives the thin blade again
deep into the glittering white snow.

Philosophy; Why?

"The man who has no tincture of philosophy goes through life imprisoned in the prejudices derived from common sense, from the habitual beliefs of his age or his nation, and from convictions which have grown up in his mind without the cooperation or consent of his deliberate reason. To such a man the world tends to become definite, finite, obvious; common objects rouse no questions, and unfamiliar possibilities are contemptuously rejected. As soon as we begin to philosophize, on the contrary, we find...that even the most everyday things lead to problems to which only very incomplete answers can be given. Philosophy, though unable to tell us with certainty what is the true answer to the doubts which it raises, is able to suggest many possibilities which enlarge out thoughts and free them from the tyranny of custom....it keeps alive our sense of wonder by showing familiar things in an unfamiliar aspect...

"Thus contemplation enlarges not only the objects of our thoughts, but also the objects of our actions and our affections: it makes us citizens of the universe, not only of a one walled city at war with all the rest. In this citizenship of the universe consists man's true freedom, and his liberation from the thraldom of narrow hopes and fears....Philosophy is to be studied...because, through the greatness of the universe which philosophy contemplates, the mind also is rendered great, and becomes capable of that union with the universe which constitutes its highest good."

--Bertrand Russell The Value of Philosophy

There's a double meaning to the title of this post, which I'm sure has not passed you by. Philosophy often times is assumed to be just that; the question "Why?". But there's also the question of "Why ask why?" Well, Russell summed up nicely a few of my main reasons for pursuing this career. But I don't think it stops there. I think there is also an extrinsic reason for pursuing philosophical questions -- one that has a more practical, worldly end. So much of what now constitutes the practical sciences was once within the realm of philosophy. In fact, in the beginning there was just philosophy and mathematics. That which fell under "natural philosophy" was to give rise to biology, chemistry, physics...much of what was political philosophy has fallen under the heading political science, and the latest departure is currently one of the most popular majors: that of psychology. But that's not to say there aren't issues left behind. That which couldn't be empirically tested was left to yet be contemplated. Perhaps we'll soon be able to put into practice the study of more esoteric political theories or the minutiae of quantum mechanics. Or, my personal goal, to find the seat of consciousness. And there is so much that goes with that: first, freewill, and second, the determination of all those entities we are required to treat ethically, including animals currently used for testing, experiments, fashion accessories, and 9 oz. sirloins at Ruby Tuesday's, not to mention issues of abortion or euthanasia. So there is some practicality left. It just takes little longer to produce results...but you can't really blame us on that.

Anyways, just came across the above quote today and it got me thinking. Surprise.

Namaste'.

Mark: 36

Well, for many of my friends, 36 hours might not seem like a long time to go without a cigarette. Fortunately, now, for me it doesn't either. But I thought I'd give an update regardless.

So it's been a day and some since I put out my last cigarette. I was talking to a friend of mine last night who said, "I read your blog. Congratulations...or, um, good luck? I don't know what you say in these situations." Fair enough. It's a habit to "try to quit"; as such, often times "good luck" is appropriate. However, I'm not trying. I know I smoked my last cigarette ever two nights ago. As such, there's no endeavors I'm relying on luck to complete (because, even if you don't smoke for three weeks or three months, you'd never be done "trying" to quit as there's always that potential to have another some day). So instead, I'm just done. Simple as that. No patch, gum, or ultra light cigarettes to wean me off. Just a healthy set of lungs working over the next few weeks to repair my idiotic fouling up of them.

Outside that, I don't know that I have a full "year-in-review" update in me at the moment, but I will say things are going fairly good. I completed my applications last week, which felt great. I also started back up at Ruby's, which is at least fun if not profitable. Classes start on Tuesday, but fortunately all of my classes, including my TA assignment, are on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I've got 4 day "weekends" every week, outside of serving tables. I did, however, ask off for Mondays, as I'd like to actually have some semblance of a weekend this semester. I'm tired of having Ruby's, Class, or some serious paper writing/test studying/grading/or form filling every single day of my life. I mean, even God rested for one out of seven days. So hopefully that'll help with the sanity issue. Or maybe not...

Anyways, now that things are more stable in the world, I'll try to get back to updating DW a bit more regularly. Till then...

Namaste'.

When you've smoked the day's last cigarette...

And you always seem outnumbered
You don't dare make a stand -
Make your stand.
-Turn the Page
(preferably the Metallica version)


"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tonight I smoked my last cigarette. Seriously. I figure, if I don't update this often enough to keep you interested, I might as well add a little shock value now and then.

"Ta-Da!"
-A liscence plate seen coming back from Glennedith's wedding.

Phlogistons at the KA House

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — A two-alarm fire badly damaged a fraternity house near Tulane University, leaving five students searching for a new home.

The residents, all undergraduate students at Tulane and members of Kappa Alpha Fraternity, were away for Winter Break at the time of the fire, said Kirby Newburger, president of the Kappa Alpha Alumni Inc., which owns the house on Audubon Street.

It took about 70 firefighters over an hour to exinguish the blaze, which started about 9 p.m. Monday, said acting fire cheif Victor LaCaba. Firefighters are investigating the cause of the blaze, he said.