Tuesday, June 28

A New State

Coming back after a trip is always an experience. After two weeks of needing to get this or that done, getting up in time to remember the most of everything, and having a cup perpetually full if not overflowing, getting back to my two jobs with nothing in between just feels odd.

I got up this morning for the spinning class with Heintz. It was by far the best Spinning class I'd done. Sure, the instructor was five minutes late and it was the one who doesn't keep the rhythm with the music, but I was putting on as much if not more resistance than she called out. In addition, I just felt like there was this store of energy waiting to be used. It was a good feeling. Also, having nothing to get done after 5pm is bliss. I come home and take care of whatever I feel like taking care of, along with making dinner and probably going for another run.

And I'm happier. Maybe it's the nomadic nature, restless outside of but satisfied after adventure; everything is accomplished so much easier and efficiently now. There's no stress residing on the back-burner of my mind. Life just is.

Monday, June 27

There and Back Again

I've returned from all the places I've gone. The journey was everything I needed it to be. Not just the trip furthest North, but the time spent at home and the trekking in Colorado; they were all very much needed. As far as the details, those will have to wait as my mind is on a couple other things right now. As for everything else, I was apparently in denial of a decision already made. Everyone I've talked to already knew my choice. Now is the hard part....to which I will be updating you as the week progresses. I am doing this the intelligent way without putting people out who've helped me over the years. As such, it's going to take me a couple weeks to get everything settled. Allow me that time frame and I'll be keeping you updated in return.

Thursday, June 9

Home

Taken from SLC's profile. I think it's originally from Garden State, but it makes a pretty good statement. And I think all my friends, spread out like they are, can agree on one imaginary place we all miss.

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."

Tuesday, June 7

Tripping

The plan for next two weeks:

June 11th: Drive to Springfield.

June 12th - 15th: Visit TDZ, AKW, EmR, and get some things done at home.

June 15th: Drive to Chicago/DeKalb.

June 16th: Visit the campus, department, and hopefully Prof. Bishop (my advisor). Also check out the housing options, apartments, etc. and placing of possible employment (ideally service industry). That evening I'm going to be driving to Kansas City to meet up with Joe et al.

June 17th: Head out around 3am driving towards Colorado. Picking up Steph in Denver and catching food and beverages before getting to JMD's cabin.

June 18th - 24th: Hang out, relax, and become one with Nature at the cabin. My last summer to actually be free to do such things, so why not...

June 25th: Drive back to KC, then with NRZ as co-pilot, drive down to Springfield.

June 26th or 27th: Drive back to NOLA with NRZ as co-pilot.

June 28th: Announce my decision.

Monday, June 6

My Life...in Boxes

I've finished moving my stuff out of Monroe. I had intentions of leaving a couple boxes over there in the closet. Just books (ok...just lots of books) and a few random, non-stackable items like lamps, etc. Sure, they might have gotten stolen. Well, not my books. But I wasn't really worried about them. But then I started thinking about it; although I currently have access to the Monroe room, there's no reason to believe that it will remain that way for the entire Summer. If for some reason I needed to get ahold of all my belongings, my room's card reader would undoubtedly be down for maintanance. As a result, I figured it'd just be best to have all my stuff over in the Willow room.

Not a bad haul, though. I have a rule about the stuff I can own. I can only possess as much stuff as will fit in my car. That's fair. I have a Blazer were the back seat folds down, so there's definately plenty of room. It's the perfect middle ground between materialism and asceticism. I'll be honest in that I am a little over my limit currently. But forgoing appliances, I think I'd just about hit it right with a snug fit of all my stuff. However...all of it is currently sitting in the middle of my room...

I would get to finding better places for these boxes tonight, but I'm feeling a bit drowsy. It's best to catch these waves when they hit and ride them on in. Otherwise, the next bought of tiredness won't hit till probably 4am. I'm going to get up for the Spinning class in the morning, so I figure it's better to head to bed now rather than later. However, I will update you all on my future trip home, to DeKalb, and to Colorado (from the 11th thru the 24th). But that will have to wait.


TDZ: Sorry I didn't call you tonight. I got to talking to the rents about the plans for next week and by the time that was squared away it was pretty late. I'll get ahold of you tonight...

Sunday, June 5

Energy

Pure, unadulterated energy. That's what's keeping me from sleeping tonight. I feel like I should be going for a run right now, but it's wet outside. Maybe I should be reading, but my mind is traveling too quickly.

P.S. Just in case you were wondering, I know that the link to this blog has been deactivated from my profile. It's odd, because most everything I could talk about on here I have no problem with anyone out there knowing. However, this latest inner conflict of mine would be best kept within the confines of my own head (and all those heads in close contact with my own). So I'll re-link to my profile by the end of the month, but for the time being, if you'd like to keep updated with my life and choices, feel free to bookmark this page.

Migraines

Had a migraine all day today. It was as though a nebulous cloud drifted in, then remained stale in the forefront of my brain the entire day. I ended up sleeping/lying in bed with my eyes closed, because it was the only thing to stop the pain. In return, I am again not tired at nearly 4am.

Possibly an onslaught of stress? I've decided I'm going to go visit DeKalb before I try to make a decision. Although it will technically add a year onto my schooling, hypothetically the 4+1 at Tulane was going to be a 2 year investment as well (one year to complete the Masters, plus one year to apply to PhD programs with a full year of new academic records). Also, the out of state tuition is roughly equal to that of Tulane. The only difference is that it's spread over a two year span and I'd have to pay for housing in DeKalb. The last issue I'm going to bring up tonight is a point a friend of mine brought up. If I had recieved the acceptance letter in early or mid-April, would I have chosen to go there? Yes. I would not have even applied to Tulane's 4+1 program. It really is a great opprotunity. I feel as though the Fates are escorting me through the back door of a system I should not have been allowed into. I mean, not being humble or self-depricating, but I seriously do not have the records to be admitted to a program as well reputed as NIU's. Second in the nation? Not a chance. A lot of my close friends, because they're such good friends, will be saying, "but you have the abilities, even if your grades don't show it." Maybe...but anyone who's reading this post likely knows the politics of academia...the ivory tower is not as forgiving or understanding as these friends of mine. So, in my opinion at least, this is like a saving move I should be acting upon. Anyways, I didn't plan on getting into this tonight, so I'm going to leave it hanging mid-air to cure for the rest of the weekend. Feel free to leave comment.

It is somewhat funny...I feel like I'm more worried about this choice between two great alternatives than I was when I didn't have any options from which to choose.

Namaste'.

Friday, June 3

Northern Illinois University

So here's a "what the fuck..." for you. I checked my mail this evening, as I don't really have a need to check it on a daily basis over the summer. Turns out that sometime in the past two days I recieved a letter from Northern Illinois Graduate School accepting me into their terminal Master of Arts program for Philosophy. Keep in mind their program is ranked second in the nation as far as Masters in Philosophy go.

I may have mentioned in a previous post, maybe in April, that one of my schools never recieved my GRE or transcripts. Well, the transcripts were hanging around their admissions department and were never passed on to the philosophy department, while it was my mistake in ordering where my GRE scores were sent. So I reordered the GRE scores, made sure the admissions was sending on my transcripts, but by this point I had assumed I shouldn't even consider this school as a viable option. It was late, their class was likely already set, not to mention I'd recieved a couple rejections.

But then this happens? I've been accepted to the 4+1 here at Tulane for Philosophy (for those who don't know, Tulane's Philosophy department is ranked roughly 50th). I've got a great system worked out with Housing for next year, and it would only take me a year to complete my Masters. But then there's the question of moving on to a highly reputable PhD program after my Masters...leaves open the question of which school really would be the best option for me.

Anyways, after I said "what the fuck..." I said I wasn't going to even begin to think about this tonight. The only reason I mention it now is that I can't sleep. Side note: I haven't slept more than 2 hours straight in the past week. I'll stay in bed from midnight till 6am, but I keep waking up. Sometimes it's hour and a half intervals, sometimes its 20 minutes. Not waking up by simply tossing over, but literally sitting straight up in bed, looking at the clock, getting my bearings, and then cursing the situation. Anyways, hopefully that changes soon as the headaches have started up again.

But enough of that...Asalaam aleikum.

Insomnia at its finest